“You really are f@&king stupid,” Ice sneered. “Why don’t you just kick her puppy while you’re at it.”
“She doesn’t have a puppy.”
“That was sarcasm, a$$hole. Getting your brain scrambled has made you a real dumb f@&ker.”
“What was wrong with what I said?”
“You just reminded her that you still don’t remember her after you kissed her.”
“Yeah, it’s true. That’s why I said it.”
“Well, f@&k. There’s your first problem,” Ice grumbled. “You never tell the truth.”
“I thought honesty was always best.”
“Nooo. No, no, no.” Chris agreed with him, which I found a little odd, which meant it was probably the right answer. “How’s dinner?”
“Fantastic,” Ice said. “Never had a better steak.”
“Honey, did you put that bill in the mail?”
“Of course, honey. I know that bill was important,” Ice smirked.
“Was it good for you?”
“Best head of my life.”
“That’s an important one,” Chris said urgently. “Never forget that one. She wants to know that she’s the absolute best and you’re never thinking about any other woman going down on you.”
“You lie to her about sex?” I asked incredulously.
“They do it too,” Ice shrugged. “You’re the best I’ve ever had. You made me come so hard. Your dick doesn’t fit. All of those are lies they tell us to make us feel ten feet tall. You know for a fact that they still think of past f@&ks because we do it too. And then there’s that lie about coming so hard when you know they were faking it. And come on, we all know that a dick can only be so big and it’s definitely going to fit because they can squeeze a baby out of their vaginas.”
“Lies are a healthy part of any good relationship,” Chris agreed. “They’re for your benefit and hers, so use them, but use them wisely.”
“Well, I’m glad that you gave me this advice now, after I already f@&ked things up. What the hell do I do now?”
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